Is Your Over Possessive Nature Killing Your Relationship?

When we love someone truly, madly we are ought to become possessive about them. It’s a human trait which we have inherited from Darwinian Apes. And mind you, it is not a crime nor is it something to be ashamed of, if you are possessive for your partner. In fact, a relationship ceases to exist when you lose your possessiveness for someone you love. But just like every other thing in this world, excess of anything is bad.... this brings us to the question, "How much possessive is enough?" "Is My Over Possessive Nature Killing My Relationship?” "What degree of possessiveness/jealousy do you think is healthy in a relationship?" "Possessiveness: Builds or ruins a relation?"

As I said possessiveness per se is not a bad attribute, but there is fine line between what is good and what is bad. This fine line is largely dependent on the nature of both the partners in a relationship. Some partners like it when their spouse is possessive about them. For them it’s a proof of the love and care, while on the other side, there are people who complain of suffocation and lack of freedom in presence of a possessive partner. Let us see some of the signs which will help you understand if you are being over possessive and if the same is being loathed by your boyfriend/girlfriend.


  •  Do you fight with your husband/boyfriend every time he returns late home?
  •  Do you keep checking your girlfriend's / boyfriend's Facebook account and   quarrel if other boy/girl flirts with him or her online?
  •  Do you start coughing if your partner talks or helps some other girl?
  •  Do you keep checking call log and messages of your partner?
  •  Do you keep accusing your partner of lying or hiding things from you?
  •  Do you loathe any new friends your partner makes?
  •  Do you feel low when you call your partner and phone is engaged?
  •  Do you keep accusing them of giving you less time?
  •  Do you feel whatever you do for your partner is not being valued enough?
  •  Have you ever faked some action to make your partner be with you or just to get more care?
  •  Do you often manipulate arguments just to prove something to him/her?


If the answer to these questions is yes, it’s time you slow down, before your nature (which can be termed as over possessive, now), kills your relationship. Although deep down your love and care is leading to such nature of yours, if you don’t change now, soon you will lose the person you love the most.

Relationships are built on trust and a degree of freedom and space is expected by both the partners, and if this trust and freedom is threatened, relationships start going down the drain. Your erratic nature can really make your partner feel 'caged' and no one wants to live like a slave. No one wants to be dictated by other person what to wear, what to eat, how to walk, etc.. etc.. You are not their parent or a guardian. Here, I would like to bust a myth about over-possessiveness that many of us have. People think if a boy is over possessive about his girlfriend, he is insecure, while if a girl is over possessive about his boyfriend it means she loves him more than he expects her to. Well let me tell you 'over possessiveness' has no place in a healthy relationship because this extra possessive nature in due course pushes love to backseat. Usually, an over possessive partner has a huge ego, and doesn't have regard for the feelings and freedom of other person; he/she tries to control everything. This nature forces one to think and re-think whether to go further in a relationship with such dominating person.

What if you are on the receiving side of this nature and you are not able to bear possessiveness of your boyfriend/girlfriend?

If you see the signs of over possessiveness in your relationship; it is time for you to talk to your partner. Try to assert yourself and discuss the issues. Talking and communicating your issues to them might just be the need of an hour. Set the timeframe for them to improve and change, and if this doesn't work move on. It is better to get away and end relationship now with self-respect intact rather than ruining the rest of your life. And if they really do change for you, then you will be making the biggest mistake of your life if you don't reciprocate their love.

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